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AT KRAVLE OP AF VERDENSPYRAMIDEN | TOTUSINDOGTEENAGE

AT KRAVLE OP AF VERDENSPYRAMIDEN

newyork

»I think one should be very careful about handing out advice. However, it pains me to see how talents languish and fade away. Here’s how it works: the bottom of the pyramid is a really nice place to be, you’re surrounded by your friends, you’ve got your everyday life and your family, safety—all very important things. But you’re not creating any masterpieces down there. Not ever, not going to happen. In order to create masterpieces you need to go up, and once you start climbing, you change, you’re not just a chilled out guy anymore. There’s a lot of adrenalin involved« – Anders Petersen, svensk fotograf

Det mest sindssyge, pisseuhyggelige og ekstremt spændende ved ikke bare at rejse frem tilbage mellem verden og hjem, men at gøre verden til sit nye hjem, er den komplette uvished om fremtiden. Intet er forudsigeligt. Måske sætter man en ramme for sit nye liv – jeg skal gå i skole i New York – jeg skal være au pair i Paris – jeg skal være rejseguide i Himalaya. Denne ramme skaber oftest kun noget så simpelt som en dato, hvorpå man skal befinde sig et specifikt sted. Man er ventet et sted. Det er en vigtig følelse. Men det gør sgu ikke tingene mere forventelige.

Da jeg flyttede til New York City for fire år siden havde jeg blot en nøgle i min lomme. Jeg havde sagt farvel til alt derhjemme. Jeg vidste, at jeg nok skulle tilbage på et tidspunkt, men den tanke lå uden for min bevidsthed. Nøglen i lommen skaffede mig adgang til en stor lejlighed på Upper West Side i et område, der hedder Morningside Heights. To uger senere flyttede jeg til Brooklyn og var ventet på en skole for dokumentarfotografi – International Center of Photography. I disse to uger og de to måneder som fulgte var New York ikke mit hjem. New York var min affære. Det ville lyde så dejligt klichéfyldt at kalde dette for en forelskelse, men sådan var det ikke. Det føltes mere som om jeg havde sex med New York. Jeg reagerede instinktivt på dens lyde, lugte og ekstreme energi. Og der syntes ingen ende på dette samleje. For jeg havde bosat mig i megabyen.

Langsomt fik jeg venner. Jeg fik en hverdag på skolen. Jeg begyndte at gå de samme ruter. 6th Avenue blev min gade, jeg nød at gå på den, men gik sjældnere på andre gader, og lagde mindre mærke til de ting, som havde gjort mig liderlig i første omgang. Jeg skulle koncentrere mig for at holde samlejet i gang, og jeg blev pludselig overrasket over hvor hurtigt, jeg vænnede mig og begyndte at tage intensiteten for givet. Jeg følte mig stadig sej, men ikke ligeså sej. Jeg var på vej ned af pyramiden igen. Jeg skabte mig en ny bekvemmelighed et nyt sted – et nyt liv.

Nu lyder det som om, det at skabe det nye liv ikke var interessant, men det er faktisk en ligeså spændende proces som det at kravle op af pyramiden. Man skal ikke altid være på toppen. Så har man jo ikke noget at sammenligne det at være på toppen med. Sådan lever jeg mit liv, op og ned af pyramiden. Der er både store og små pyramider, og de små pyramider bliver vigtige, når det nye sted bliver det almindelige sted.

Det er her, man begynder at udnytte det sted, man faktisk befinder sig. Hov, jeg er sgu da i New York. Det er New York, jeg har sex med. Hvad kan man her? Så mødte jeg ham her. En gammel alfons fra Brooklyn. Jeg fotograferede Brother Light i fire måneder, og projektet blev min nye pyramide. Pludselig lavede jeg ting i New York, som ikke havde så meget med New York at gøre, men som kun kunne eksistere i New York. Mit nye sted blev vigtigt for mit liv.

Da jeg besluttede mig at flytte fra New York halvandet år efter min ankomst, havde jeg haft mange orgasmer. Jeg var slet ikke færdig med New York, men den havde udmattet mig. Jeg havde ingen penge, ikke meget at stå op til, ikke mange ideer tilbage. Jeg havde en sød dansk kæreste, som lod mig bo hos sig de sidste seks måneder. Hun var på mange måde blevet New York for mig, men vi vidste begge to, at det var tid til at flytte til Danmark. Jeg skulle væk for at mærke, at byen stadig trak i mig. Jeg skulle væk for at mindes om, hvorfor jeg kan lide at være der. Sådan er det med hjem, både de nye og de gamle.

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